Random Tuesdays: The Super Hero Squad aka The Best Cartoon Ever

I used some excess personal time to take today off. I did some laundry, some dishes, sent out some resumes, looked for new health insurance and discovered the silliest, most bizarre superhero cartoon show I have ever seen. And I watch that Iron-Man-in-high-school show on occasion. It’s called The Super Hero Squad Show and this week’s Random Tuesday shall be dedicated to this show that had me cracking up this afternoon. This particular episode was entitled “Tales of Suspense” and was epi 01.17.

First of all, this is Wolverine. During the show’s theme song (sung by The Offspring), he rides on the Silver Surfer’s surf board and has no qualms about catching a ride.

Today he was playing golf with some kid that turned into a dinosaur and MODOK. My previous familiarity of MODOK came in the form of Katie Cook’s picture of cat MODOK. He’s basically a floating head with tiny little arms and legs. But that’s not the point. The point is they spent the entire episode playing golf. At least until they set the entire country club on fire.

That was the secondary story line though. The main story came from Crimson Dynamo (who I’ve never heard of) imitating Iron Man and stealing an entire bank vault. Apparently no one in this city realizes that Iron Man doesn’t have a really bad Russian accent, so the mayor and the entire city believe the hero is now robbing banks. This causes Captain America to sideline Iron Man, saying:

Iron Man, please turn in your Super Hero Squad identity card, your corporate credit card, your key to the city, and your standard issue Squaddie undies

This is the point when I decided sending out more resumes could wait because I needed to see where this show was going. It goes on to include a fight between War Machine and the Crimson Dynamo, where the big bad Russian gets sentimental about Beaches, as it’s the only movie he’s ever seen. While tied together over boiling lava, Iron Man and War Machine decide it’s the perfect time to have a squabble about their friendship instead of, I don’t know, trying to get away. Then Silver Surfer and Thor, who has an even worst accent than Crimson Dynamo, swoop in and save the day.

It all ends with the mayor – voiced by Stan Lee and dressed like an old guy in a superhero Halloween costume – returning Iron Man’s key to the city and saying, “For your heroic service and for agreeing not to sue us for slander, I rebestow this key to the city to the most breathtaking, most sensational hero of all: the invincible Forbush Man! Eh, I mean Iron Man.”

Who is this show for exactly? Its animation looks like it’s for little kids and yet so many of the jokes were about supermodels, secret girlfriends, and old school pop culture references. Iron Man even calls out War Machine for “talking like you’re on Reading Rainbow” (he’s voiced by LaVar Burton). Then there’s Doctor Doom getting friend requests from Magneto and that kid randomly turning into a dinosaur while playing golf, and I just didn’t know what to do with myself.

Marvel, ten points to you. I’m still more of a DC girl, but I think this ridiculous show won my heart at the mention of standard issue Squaddie undies.

On a side note – how did I miss Batman Beyond when it first aired? It’s hipster teenage Batman causing a lot of property damage! His geeky friend that looks like a gopher buys a robot girlfriend who tries to kill people! It’s awesome!

I fear my upcoming unemployment might spur additional posts about random superhero cartoons or at least some Twitter comments. You’ve been warned.

 

If you want to see the madness that is “Tales of Suspense”, you can find the first half of it on YouTube here. The second half is on there as well.

 

Thank you to the wonderful IMDB community for supplying me with the quotes used. Pictures come from various Marvel websites.