Why I Couldn't Care Less About Marvel's New Spider-Man

I guess it shouldn't really matter who is in the suit considering half the movie is CGI anyway...

I guess it shouldn't really matter who is in the suit considering half the movie is CGI anyway...

Late Tuesday Marvel Studios announced that they had finally found their new Peter Parker in Tom Holland. I don’t know if many people are familiar with the name Tom Holland, but he’s an 19-year-old British actor who has been in things like The Impossible, Wolf Hall and something coming out soon called In the Heart of the Sea. I know I couldn’t have told you who this kid was, though he has a passing resemblance to Billy Elliott (also known as Jamie Bell).

This is not Tom Holland. That's Jamie Bell from Billy Elliot. This gif just makes me smile.

This is not Tom Holland. That's Jamie Bell from Billy Elliot. This gif just makes me smile.

What I can tell you is that I could care less about another version of Peter Parker. I am so bored with Peter Parker, and that’s coming from someone who loved Andrew Garfield’s fluffy haired version of the character. I didn’t love the movies he was put into, but his version of the character was great and his chemistry with Emma Stone’s Gwen Stacy was possibly the most perfect version I could image on film.

But with five movies in 13 years, I just do not care about another Peter Parker Spider-Man film. I get that the Civil War comic book story line really relies on having a Peter Parker, but Marvel Studios has made massive changes to well-known plot lines before. They could easily have replaced Peter with the never-before-seen-on-screen Miles Morales and had a new Spider-Man that not only added diversity, but didn’t require rebooting a character for the third time in less than 15 years.

I can’t bring myself to care about another Peter Parker, even with Marvel (mostly) controlling the reigns. The Amazing Spider-Man movies relied too heavily on special effects, forgetting to put much heart or plotting into the story, and leaving their far superior cast to do more heavy lifting to give the films any sort of charisma. And I don’t even want to talk about Spider-Man 3. None of the films have fully gelled since Spider-Man 2 and even that one had the problem of Tobey Maguire being a milquetoast–verging-on-whiney Peter Parker.

Perhaps having a truly younger version of Peter will give this new version of the franchise more life than the last three movies, but I have a fear that we’re just going to get a rehash of a Peter Parker origin story that we’ve already seen twice. It’s been done. Let’s move on to something new and interesting. Even Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone couldn’t make the second retelling seem new, interesting or intriguing. We knew all the plot beats before we ever entered the theatre because pretty much the same movie had been made a decade before.

Maybe Marvel will skip the origin story this time, but I honestly can’t see that happening. Origin stories are just so easy to do, and knowing that pretty much everyone and their mom knows Peter Parker’s story at this point probably won’t be enough to persuade Marvel to try something more creative.

This is Tom Holland, by the way.

This is Tom Holland, by the way.

I wish Tom Holland best of luck and I hope he and the Marvel team surprise me. I can’t imagine he’ll get much screen time with the already over bloated cast of Captain America: Civil War, but maybe they’ll figure out a way to make him stand out. It’s just going to take something special to cause me to have any interest in seeing Spider-Man The Redux Again (He’s Really Younger This Time!) in 2017.

I’ll just be over here waiting for Captain Marvel when I can genuinely get excited about Marvel movies again..

Are you excited to get another, younger Spider-Man in 2017? Who would you have cast if given the chance? Do you know who Tom Holland is? Hit up the comments to discuss.